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On 06/05/04 11:23 +0100, Joel Bernstein wrote:
> On Thu, May 06, 2004 at 11:19:17AM +0100, David Cantrell wrote:
> > On Wed, May 05, 2004 at 10:33:58AM +0100, Joel Bernstein wrote:
> >
> > > Certainly around Passover, it's very easy to find root horseradish.
> >
> > It is? Where from?
Weirdly, they had some in Sainsbury's the other day. Perhaps it's
about to become mainstream and cool or summat.
FADE IN
A Horseradish farm, somewhere indeterminate where vaseline-smeared
camera lenses can make it look sentimentally RURAL and IDYLLIC.
JAMIE OLIVER enters, SLOUCHING and trying to CONCEAL his LARGE TONGUE.
JAMIE
I love 'orseradish me, it's brilliant
and it goes wiv all sorts of fings.
It's pucka, like Japanese food which
comes wiv wasabi.
And just imagine, if Sainsbury's can
take so much care over stocking a spicy
root vegetable, they must be, like, really
good.
SIMON enters, carrying a PLATE of pan-fried ostrich with fennel and
oven-roasted wasabi. He HITS Jamie in the FACE with it.
SIMON
It's just occurred to me that Mr Oliver
here is like the Emperor's New Clothes
in reverse. He claims to be "the Naked
Chef", cooking simple homely dishes, but
ends up turning out the same adjective-
laden gastro-pub guff. He's about as naked
as a sensible Eskimo.
JAMIE is experimentally licking FOOD from his FACE
JAMIE
Hmm. Nice "jus", mate.
SIMON
It's called GRAVY, you FUCK.
JAMIE proceeds to receive a WELL-DESERVED KICKING
FADE OUT
I'd invoke the spirit of Ashley Pomeroy's "Inappropriate Cookery Show
Hosts" at this point, but it appears to have vanished from his site
again. Bugger.
There's stuff above here
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